What we say to ourselves is extremely important. It may be a very faint voice that you may almost hear, or it may be something that you say out loud to yourself.
The things we say to ourselves become our beliefs. Your subconscious mind is always listening. If you repeat the same phrase often enough, it thinks that this is what you want for yourself. This basically means that you accept it as your own opinion. It also means that you start to act on that, because you have accepted it. It could be an unconscious activity, but your beliefs do mould you into the person you are
Let’s have a look at some examples. Here are what a lot of my clients say to me:
- I have no willpower
You might be planning to lose weight, stop snacking, reduce drinking or be more motivated to exercise. You may want to do these things because they would mean you would be healthier, or maybe someone else is saying that you ‘should’ do them. But if you say to yourself ‘I have no willpower’, the intention usually stops at the planning stage (at the most). This is because you have already told yourself that you are not going to make the effort to make it happen.
- I’ve never been good at this
This is something that you might have been told as a child. Your mum or dad might have frequently said: ‘You are not good at getting up early in the morning’ when you were growing up. If that’s the case, then you come to accept that as your own belief. Now, when you are trying to get up earlier because you now have to commute a little further away, you’ll experience being really tired for the first couple of hours. Then you say to yourself ‘I’ve never been good at getting up early’ and reinforce it even more.
- I can’t stop worrying
It is normal to sometimes worry about the future. We may be going through a tough time financially, for example, and worry that we can even pay the bills next month. Or we may want to go out to do some shopping but become anxious that we are doing the right thing to stay safe in these unprecedented times of Covid19. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot stop worrying, your subconscious mind will provid different issues for you to focus your thinking on. You will come to realise that you are missing out on the enjoyment of the present moment because you are constantly living in the future.
- I don’t know how to say ‘no’
Saying no is not only important but totally necessary in our lives. If we said ‘yes’ to everything, including things that we really don’t enjoy or don’t have time for, our lives could become rather miserable. We physically cannot do everything that is asked of us. But some people find it hard to decline invitations or requests, feeling that they are letting others down. This can start to take its toll as it becomes impossible for you to attend to your own needs due to lack of time.
- I can’t relax
This is one of the first things many of my hypnotherapy clients say at their first session! If you say this to yourself on a regular basis, you will find yourself unable to sit still for long or feeling guilty doing something for yourself. Do you find yourself looking for things to do for others or for work, or engaging in different housework activities? If this is the case, it is probably because you have come to believe that relaxing is not the right thing for you to do.
Do you feel you can relate to some of the feelings in this blog? Would you like to learn how to tackle them or know someone who might have a negative mindset? If so, look out for next week’s blog. There I will explain the first steps to start changing unwanted mindsets effectively.